My wife and I started a new Friday evening tradition. I discovered that you can find old full length sci-fi movies on YouTube and play them through your TV! We’ve seen three so far and I believe that the common denominator is that all of the titles are misleading!
Take Devil Girl From Mars. This is no girl, boys – this is a woman. W-O-M-A-N! She is here to recruit healthy, virile males to replace the increasingly wussy Martian men. Furthermore, she is dressed in cape, high boots and shiny black vinyl.
And she is having problems? Her first mistake was landing her damaged spaceship outside a little Scottish countryside tavern. She tries negotiation first (before she resorts to intimidation), but they have to put on a pot of tea and think it over. I will never look at the Highland Games the same.
The Riders To The Stars don’t actually go to the stars. In fact, they never leave low earth orbit. Even the cosmologists of 1954 knew better than that. Scientists want to know why some meteors survive the atmosphere and strike the earth intact. They suspect that they are coated with some substance – that if it were found – could enable them to build spaceships that would stand the rigors of outer space.
They send three meteor-collecting rockets out there to capture some and bring them back. The pilots are all scientists with not as much as an hours flight time in a Piper Cub, but never mind. Two of the boys come croppers, but the last (and best looking one) grabs a rock – using the last of his fuel and has to crash land in the desert.
His space ship is torn to shreds, but he is a miraculous survivor and comes back to conscientiousness just in time to suck face with the gorgeous Doctor Flynn, who has lusted for him from the beginning.
A very young Robert Loggia is the lead in The Lost Missile, and he would probably be just as happy if this piece of work was left off his filmography. Well, the missile isn’t lost at all. It damn well knows what it’s all about. It came from outer space and is circling the world at low altitudes and leaving a five mile path of destruction below it as it cruises along.
Ultimately these orbits will leave the earth a cinder, so something must be done. The film looks to have been made for Civil Defense footage and a lot of time is taken showing populations heading for underground shelters or fleeing the anticipated path. Poor Ottawa is in the way, and school children are shown crawling beneath their desks, curling up in a ball and tucking their head between their legs. Their next logical action should have been to kiss their patooties goodbye, given the scenes of Ottawa’s post missile condition that follow.
New York is next in the path, and I won’t spoil the ending for you. Ask Robert Loggia, if you can contact him – but he may not own up to it.